Can't Say Goodbye
by Cammie Fujisaki
Summary: What he was asking for, for her to give him the name "Nadeshiko" and live on in his place... it was crazy, crazier than anything he would dream up under normal conditions. But then again, love made you do crazy things, and even on his death bed all he could think about was Rima. And maybe she was crazy for going along with it, but she'd do anything for him. Rimashiko and RImahiko.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Rimahiko and Rimashiko (yes, a little bit of girls love; nothing too strong (or graphic) though, if it isn't your cup of tea) and a small bit of Tadeshiko. Rated T for (possible future) language and themes. It is only a few chapters long, and should be finished in less than a week, so, yeah. Enjoy. :)

(oh yeah, and it literally will be finished in a week. I already have most of it done so it _will_ be finished this time).

~oOo~

Nadeshiko had never liked hospitals. They were much too sanitary for her, which was weird because she usually liked things to be nice and clean. But there was something about so much cleanliness in a place that was haunting.

People died everyday in hospitals, they died, never to be heard from again, and as soon as they were gone their body was moved and their room was cleaned, their sheets were washed and their bed was made, and the next day the person was completely gone and there was someone else in their place.

Their names would be lost, and the nurses wouldn't bring them up anymore, they wouldn't lament over their death, they would just move onto the next patient and forget the last even existed.

And the smell… the whole building just smelled so clean. All you could smell in a hospital was the cleanliness of it. In a place with so much pain, with so much blood and tears, with so much death, their should never be a clean scent filling the air.

Nadeshiko really never did like hospitals, so she usually stayed away from them. Unfortunately, she didn't always have the option to stay away. In certain situations, you had to go to place you dreaded more than anywhere else.

She stopped momentarily outside the room, staring at the number 517 written in black paint on a plaque outside the door. In a month there would be someone else in the room, and the "Fujisaki" written on a scrap of paper and tacked there carelessly would be replaced by a "Sato" or "Suzuki." Maybe even in less than a month.

Nadeshiko's hand hesitated, her fingers curling into a slight fist that was centimeters away from the door. She didn't want to go in there, oh god she didn't want to go in there, but she knew she had to, so after a moment she moved her hand and rapped at the wooden surface.

"Come in."

His voice was much too weak. It was low and croaky, like an old man's voice. He was fine two weeks ago, he shouldn't sound like he's aged fifty years in a matter of days.

She didn't want to open the door, she didn't want to see him like this.

But she didn't really have a choice.

Nadeshiko raised her right hand, her fingers wrapping around the doorknob before pushing it in. God, this room smelled too clean as well. It was too white, too sanitary. There was a television and a small armchair, as if the room was trying to give off the illusion of being a warm, comforting place. Who had died in this room? Would he be the next to die in this room?

"Ah, so you got my message?"

He looked terrible; Nadeshiko almost didn't even want to look at him. How could someone's skin look so gray? Their arms so frail and weak?

Nadeshiko nodded, her throat too dry to speak immediately. She struggled to think of something to say as she entered the room, trying to block out the cleanliness all around her. After a moment, she managed to string together a coherent sentence. "I have to admit, it was quite the shock."

"Well, I've kept it hidden quite well up until now."

Why was he smiling right now? Was he trying to comfort her, or himself? Either way, he probably knew it wasn't working, as he let the smile drop. He looked to the side, unable to meet Nadeshiko's eyes, instead turning his attention to the window.

The sky was blue, but Nadeshiko felt that it was rather unfitting. There should be huge gray clouds filling the sky. The wind should be howling, and rain should be falling down in thick sheets. The world should not be continuing on so happily at a moment like this.

"I have a favor to ask," he finally spoke, after an incredibly long moment. Nadeshiko frowned, her eyebrows scrunching in upon her face to form an unattractive expression. At a moment like this, what was he asking her for?

"What is it?"

"Well… I'd like you to keep quiet about my condition. As of right now, you're the only one who knows I'm dying."

Nadeshiko wanted to yell, she wanted to scream out at him, but she couldn't express her shock in such a way in this place, with him in this state, so instead she just managed to choke out, "Wh-what? You can't be serious! You don't want them to know you're dying until you're gone?"

"The reason for this is that I have another thing to ask you for, and that if anyone else knows I'm dying, it won't work."

Nadeshiko couldn't move. She was so confused; why would he hide the fact he was dying from everyone who loved him? From his mother, his father, his fiancee?

"I don't understand. What about Rima?" Nadeshiko asked, staring intently at him as he simply stared out the window. She was furious; at a time like this he was going to hide. He wasn't even going to spend his last moments with the woman he loved. "She'll be devastated! This will kill her!"

"I know," he replied simply, his voice much to calm for Nadeshiko to be comfortable with. He shouldn't be so collected about something like this, he shouldn't be able to gaze out the window with a blank face as he was telling her he was going to hide his death from the world. "Trust me, I know. And that's why I'm asking you for a second thing."

"And what would that be?" Nadeshiko asked, trying her hardest to keep a level voice, but the room was just so damn clean and in a week or two someone else would be lying in the bed and Nagihiko would be dead.

Nadeshiko stared at him intently, but something made her breath catch in her throat and her anger to immediately drop into a cold feeling that settled beneath her breast.

He was crying, for the first time in years, there were tears falling from his eyes.

"I need… I need you to become me."

~oOo~

Nadeshiko couldn't breathe. She was gasping for air like a fish, her mouth was opening and closing and oxygen should be filling her lungs, but yet she felt lightheaded as she left the hospital room.

What he was asking for, for her to give him the name "Nadeshiko" and live on in his place... it was so much. But yet, she'd do it. Without a doubt she'd do it. He was her brother; she would do anything for him.

But was this smart? Wasn't this a horrible solution? How long could they keep this charade up for, anyway? Even though they were nearly identical there was a large difference in their bodies, and a very obvious one at that.

But if this was what Nagihiko wanted, in his dying moments, who was she to tell him no?


	2. Chapter 2

Nadeshiko clearly remembered the day she died. What was most peculiar about this day was that her body didn't die on this day, only her name did.

Rather, it was Nagihiko's body that died with her name.

It was a rather horrific thing to see. Her twin brother was dying, but yet she had to act like the one in the hospital bed gasping for air was actually her. The tears she had shed weren't for Nagihiko, they were for herself. _She_ was dying.

Rima had looked incredibly upset the whole time, but she wasn't on the brink of total collapse like she would have been if she had known that Nagihiko was the one convulsing on the bed. Tears were slipping from her eyes, falling down her cheeks and splattering to the floor, but it wasn't as worse as it could have been.

Nadeshiko, on the other hand, had completely lost it. She wondered if she was acting out of character for Nagihiko, but she didn't really care. She couldn't stop herself from sobbing, from throwing herself at Nadeshiko side and wailing loudly. Surely Nagihiko wouldn't make such a spectacle of himself, surely he would retain a little bit of his composure, but she couldn't stop herself. She didn't care if anyone got suspicious from her reaction; her brother, her best friend, was dying, and she was the only one who knew it.

Nobody seemed to be questioning her reaction though; they all just looked incredibly saddened by it.

That day, the day when "Nadeshiko" died, she knew it was too late to go back. She was going to have to live the rest of her life as a man.

But she didn't think she really cared at that moment. At the moment the heart monitor stopped its frantic beeping to cover the room in chilling silence, as the nurses who had been frantically running around stopped, looks of resignation on their face, she couldn't care less about Rima or this dumb act she was putting on, she didn't care that her name was now Nagihiko.

All that mattered was that her brother was dead.

The memory of this day haunted Nadeshiko for a while. Every time she closed her eyes she would see Nagihiko's face, would hear his dying plea to her.

It really hurt, but she understood. Because Nagihiko loved Rima more than life itself, and although Rima was sad right now she wasn't devastated. She was going to be alright… at least for a little while.

~oOo~

Upon Nagihiko's death Nadeshiko had to step fully into his role, which meant selling most of her possessions and moving in with Rima (although she couldn't be acting as though she was moving in, or else Rima would be incredibly suspicious).

It had been weird, watching the moving vans take away all the stuff she had bought over the years, but she had been able to save some things, things that she took under the guise that they held sentimental value to her.

Nadeshiko had never been in a long-term relationship before, so upon entering Rima and Nagihiko's, er, Rima and her apartment, she was a little lost. It was just all the little things that confused her: which toothbrush was hers, the blue or the green? Who usually made the coffee in the morning? Was she to sleep on the left side of the bed, or the right?

Fortunately for her, when she spent ten minutes looking through all the drawers in the bedroom before managing to find her socks, Rima blamed it on her depression over "Nadeshiko's" death.

There were lots of other complications with the current situation beside that, though. There was also the fact that Nadeshiko had a female body.

Maybe during the day she could get away with it, but it was harder at night. She had resorted to compressing her chest at all times, even while sleeping, which definitely was an uncomfortable feeling (she was just grateful that her chest wasn't that large).

Apparently Nagihiko usually slept shirtless as well, so that proved a little awkward at first (she had said that she was too cold, which was a little unconvincing when she woke up in sweat in the middle of the night). Additionally, she had to be careful that when Rima touched her she didn't feel the compression bra she wore or her chest (which no matter how hard she tried to bind, she would never be able to completely erase).

What was worse, because Nadeshiko looked so distraught all the time (partly due to Nagihiko's death, partly due to the stress of having to watch her every movement) Rima probably felt like she had to comfort her, so she had been rubbing and patting her back, pulling her into hugs, much too often for Nadeshiko to be comfortable with given the current situation.

It was just a matter of time until she was found out, Nadeshiko knew it. But as long as possible, she would have to keep the charade up. She would have to watch her back, wake up early so that Rima wouldn't catch her changing, take extremely brief showers whenever Rima left the house, and be careful that she didn't leave any feminine products lying around the bathroom (which would have been extremely hard to try to explain).

What she was most thankful for, above anything else, was that Nagihiko and Rima had made a vow to remain abstinent until marriage, and did not have to deal with the issue of refusing sex from Rima (which the real Nagihiko would surely have never done).

Even though he current situation was hard, it wasn't unbearable. She could make this work.

But for how long?

~oOo~

Nadeshiko knew the day when Rima asked to finalize the wedding date would come, but she didn't expect it to be so soon. Only three weeks after "Nadeshiko's" death did Rima bring it up.

And she really hadn't expected the blonde to be so casual about it either.

"So, when do you think we should have the wedding?"

Nadeshiko froze where she sat, her fingers looped around the handle of a cup of coffee and a paperback book held firmly in the other hand. She looked up slowly, leaving the safety of the printed word behind as she brought her eyes up to meet her fiancee.

Rima looked completely nonchalant about the whole prospect, and was shoving bacon into her mouth as passionately as ever. Oh god, what should she do? Nagihiko was always really excited about the prospect of the two having a wedding, but Nadeshiko really wanted to put the event of as long as possible because having a wedding meant having a honeymoon, and having a honeymoon meant having sex. And having sex meant… well, Rima definitely wouldn't think she was Nagihiko after that.

"Hm, whenever you want to," Nadeshiko muttered, trying to look as though her indecisive response was due to her interest in the book, not because she was internally panicking inside.

"Well, when Nadeshiko passed away-" A pang in Nadeshiko's heart, "It left me thinking; what would I have done if that was you, and you had died before we were married? What if I would never get the chance to be your wife? That would kill me."

Nadeshiko didn't want to hear this, she really didn't. Because what Rima was describing wasn't a "what if" scenario, it really was her life. She was living out her worst nightmare and didn't even know it.

"I want to get married on the fifth of April. I already looked into the venue we were thinking of and it's free, and I called Amu and she said she and Ikuto could make it. Apparently she thinks-"

No, this was much too soon. The fifth of April was just four weeks from now! Nagihiko had been pressuring Rima to finalize a date for the past year and she had always said when she was older, when she was ready for kids, but now she was just jumping into it headfirst! At this rate, their charade wouldn't even keep up a full two months!

"What's wrong? I thought you'd be excited?" Nadeshiko glanced up from the spot on the table she had been staring at to see Rima eying her suspiciously. Well, she was always very observant, wasn't she?

"I am! I'm just a bit tired, that's all," Nadeshiko tried to smile, but knew that Rima would not buy it; it was much too stiff, her lips were much to weak. Her eyes were much too dark.

But Rima just chalked it up to her sadness over "Nadeshiko's" death and gave her a small smile, a smile Nadeshiko knew she didn't deserve, before reaching across the table and patting her hand.

"It's okay; I know it must hurt. I'll take care of all the preparations, so just take it easy, alright?"

Nadeshiko wanted to smile, she really did, but how could she lie to Rima in such a way. "Thanks sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you too," Rima smiled, standing up before leaning over the table to peck Nadeshiko's lips with her.

Every time Rima kissed her Nadeshiko couldn't stand it. Not because she didn't want to kiss Rima (no, it was actually kind of nice) but because Rima thought she was kissing Nagihiko, and would probably never want to kiss her.

Rima grabbed her plate and dropped it in the sink before leaving the room, calling out behind her, "I'll see you tonight!"

Nadeshiko heard the jingling of Rima's keys as she grabbed them off the hook and stuffed them in her purse (the purse Nagihiko had bought for her).

As the front door slammed shut and Rima left for the day, Nadeshiko just laid her head down on the table and cried.

~oOo~

A/N: I should be updating this every other day for the next week or so.

Oh, and if you like this, please review. Lately I haven't been getting many reviews at all, and while I will never say "No update until X reviews" or something like that, I would greatly like to know someone likes what I write. Otherwise, what's the point in working on it?  
Please take a moment, if just to say "I like it" or to tell me how you think I can improve. Thanks. :)


	3. Chapter 3

As hard as she tried, Nadeshiko just couldn't bring herself to be enthusiastic about the wedding preparations.

It wasn't like she was unhappy with the concept of marriage. No, she had been fantasizing about her dream wedding since she was three years old. She and Nagihiko had used to "marry" each other twice a week in their family's garden, with stuffed toys littering the grass and Baaya-san clapping and pretending to cry.

Or maybe she really was crying, because the two kids were so happy imaging their distant future and she knew one day that they would find out real life wasn't as perfect as they believed.

Her lack of enthusiasm was mostly due to the fact that as the preparations continued Nadeshiko couldn't help but feel guilty. The gardenias and the doves, the chapel and the white tuxedo, that was Nagihiko's dream wedding, not her's. Her brother was dead, and instead of mourning him she was living out his dream, marrying the love of his life….

As much as it sickened Nadeshiko, as much as she wanted to change the plans to make the wedding much less like Nagihiko, she couldn't. Because Nagihiko would never say no to these plans, and Rima knew that, and Nadeshiko couldn't do anything that would make her suspicious.

Every time Rima mentioned the wedding Nadeshiko wanted to cry; it just reminded her that her brother was dead and she was lying to everyone she loved, everyone he had loved.

But Nagihiko would have been happy talking about the wedding, it would cheer him up when he was down.

So Nadeshiko had to smile and laugh and bring it up even when no one else would. Because she had to be Nagihiko, and Nagihiko so badly wanted to be married.

But when Nadeshiko thought about it for a while, she realized Nagihiko had had this habit of never showing his real emotions.

Maybe, she thought, she was acting more like him already.

-oOo-

It was March nineteenth. So far, it had been a fairly normal day.

Until Rima had walked in on Nadeshiko crying in the bathroom.

The blonde had hugged her and whispered in her ear about how everything was going to be alright, and that Nadeshiko was in a better place, but that only made her sob harder.

Because no, Rima, Nadeshiko was right here, and Nagihiko was in heaven watching his twin sister marry the woman he had loved for almost his whole life.

Rima had made her tea and wrapped a blanket around the two of them as they sat on the couch and watched_ the Notebook _(Rima usually refused to watch such girly movies, but was no doubt trying to comfort her fiancee as she knew he loved them).

And after a while, Nadeshiko began to feel better. Rima was pressed into her side, resting her head on her shoulder as she tried not to fall asleep, and Nadeshiko thought it was nice how hard Rima was trying to cheer her up and how sweet she was being. Even though she felt guilty, she was thankful Rima was looking out for her.

Even if she knew Rima thought she was caring for Nagihiko.

But it was after the movie ended, after the two went back to their bedroom to go to sleep that the trouble ensued.

After they had climbed into bed Rima had rolled over to face Nadeshiko and snuggled into her body and kissed her. Not a short peck of the lips either. No, a deep, full-fledged kiss.

This had only happened a few times before (each time leaving Nadeshiko feeling guilty) but it didn't usually last long.

Maybe Rima felt she owed something to "Nagihiko," like she had to cheer "him" up, but she didn't stop this time.

She kept kissing Nadeshiko, with her lips and tongue, tasting her and breathing her in, and as she did this she grew closer and closer and Nadeshiko's mind was hurriedly firing warning signals saying "if she gets too close she'll feel your breasts."

Rima's hand slipped across the skin, between her shirt and pants, and began to move lower, and although Nadeshiko might possibly end up liking that she grabbed Rima's hand before that could happen.

"What are you doing?" Nadeshiko asked into Rima lips, staring at her through her eyelashes.

Rima, who had been looking down, turned her eyes to meet Nadeshiko's. "I thought you could use some cheering up."

And god, did that make Nadeshiko's chest hurt, because Rima really loved Nagihiko so much she would have sex with him, even though she had always sworn to wait until marriage, just because "he" was feeling down.

Nadeshiko smiled even though all she wanted to do was cry. "Thank you so much, sweetheart. But I think we should wait; It'll be even better then."

Rima smiled slightly, something Nadeshiko hadn't seen her do much before becoming Nagihiko. "You're right."

Rima kissed her once more before pulling back to her side of the bed and laying down with a muffled "good night."

And although Nadeshiko was incredibly tired and just wanted to sleep she found herself up until the early hours of morning, wondering how exactly Rima would feel the night of April fifth.

She wondered if it would be better for Rima if she was sleeping in this bed alone.

~oOo~

March 31, the day Nadeshiko's old friends from high school began to arrive in town for the wedding.

There had been many "I'm so sorry about Nadeshiko"'s spoken, and Nadeshiko could tell they were all heartfelt from the way Amu's mascara was smeared and Kukai's eyes were red and puffy. Unfortunately, though, they were lamenting the loss of the wrong person.

Nadeshiko was standing right in front of them.

Nadeshiko felt the urge to laugh, but it was quickly diminished by the feeling of sorrow that was drowning her heart, because what the hell had Nagihiko been thinking? Rima was going to be hurt and everyone else was going to be hurt and she didn't think anyone would ever speak to her again.

When Amu fell into her arms and sobbed, Nadeshiko was crying wholeheartedly too.

Really, Amu, your best friend is hugging you right now. Stop crying over her.

It was getting old, and part of Nadeshiko was getting fed up with the whole situation, but yet she was still hurting, still feeling guilt and sadness, so much sadness, that she thought she might just die.

"_Do not pity the dead, pity the living."_

Who had said that? Wasn't it from a Harry Potter book?

Whatever the context, Nadeshiko couldn't help but think about it.

Maybe, just maybe, she _was_ the one they should be mourning, after all.

Mourning the loss of her choice, her freedom...

the loss of herself.

~oOo~

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews last chapter! I really appreciate it.

If you have a moment, please review. Any critique is gladly welcomed. :)


	4. Chapter 4

April third, two days before the wedding, Tadase cornered Nadeshiko.

Well, not so much cornered as just pulled her into the other room while everyone was talking.

"Nadeshiko, what are you doing? Why are you pretending to be Nagihiko?"

Nadeshiko wanted to cry at these words; it had been so long since someone called her by her own name that she just wanted to cry.

But if she let herself start crying now, she wouldn't stop.

"How could you tell it was me?" Nadeshiko knew it would do no good to deny it, because Tadase was smart and he would figure it out eventually. And part of her was just so relieved that she didn't even want to deny it, even though she knew she probably should.

"You think I wouldn't recognize my first love?" Tadase said with a grin, wrapping his arms around her chest and pulling her into him.

And God, did it feel good to hug him, to rest her head against his chest and be a girl once again.

Why had they ever broken up, anyway?

After a moment the two pulled apart. Tadase held Nadeshiko at arm's length for a moment, just staring at her and taking in that she wasn't dead (Tadase was feeling like crying himself, at this point), before letting go. "So, what are you doing like this?"

Nadeshiko sighed, "Before he died, Nagihiko asked me to do this for him; I think he wanted to make sure Rima was going to be okay."

"That was so stupid; For such a smart person, that was an incredibly moronic final request," Tadase said, somewhat harshly, frowning as he stared at the girl in front of him, "I mean, how much longer can you keep this up?"

"Two days," Nadeshiko muttered, not wanting to think about it too much. "I don't think he expected for Rima to propose marriage so soon, and I didn't know how to turn her down like this; Nagihiko would never say no to marriage."

"You're probably right," Tadase nodded, a sad look on his face, "I mean, your wedding night is sure going to be a fiasco. You definitely don't have the body of a guy, that's for sure."

Tadase didn't mean to embarrass Nadeshiko, but it still left her blushing. "Yeah, that's the problem; do you think she'll be okay with blindfolds and, um..."

"I think she'll be able to tell something's up," Tadase replied, a little pink in the face now too, not quite sure what Nadeshiko was about to suggest but frankly not wanting to know. Nadeshiko sighed, and Tadase reached a hand out and rested it on her shoulder.

"It's okay; I think it'll be good for you to drop this act."

Nadeshiko wasn't sure, though; wouldn't this just hurt Rima so much more than it would have if she had known all along that Nagihiko was actually the one who died?

As Nadeshiko stared into Tadase's comforting eyes something struck her, something that had been nagging at the back of her mind for a while now.

"Hey, Tadase, if you knew it was me, how come Rima doesn't? I mean, shouldn't she be able to tell I'm not the person she loves?"

Tadase smiled a little, "Well, she does love you, maybe just not in the same way as she felt for Nagihiko and, in my opinion... part of her might already know you're really Nadeshiko... She just doesn't want it to be true, so she's probably just telling herself she's imagining it."

Maybe Rima had always suspected it... but even if she did, her mind would probably completely reject the idea. Even the smartest person's common sense could be pushed down in the face of loosing the person you love most in the world.

Rima just wouldn't let herself get hurt.

~oOo~

Nadeshiko didn't want to be there, she really didn't. She should have called the wedding off yesterday, when she still had the chance. Or maybe even this morning. Maybe she should have just "slipped up" and let Rima catch a glimpse of her as she dressed.

But she hadn't done that then, and it was much too late for her to do it now. There would be too many questions, too much curiosity, and Rima would be embarrassed beyond belief.

So she just stood at the altar, wearing a tux that should have belonged to her brother, with Kukai, her brother's best friend, beside her, marrying her brother's love of his life.

With every step Rima took Nadeshiko's heart dropped.

The sound of footsteps and then, internally, the sound of her heart beating sickeningly loudly.

Step, thud, step, thud.

Nadeshiko's palms were sweaty, but she couldn't wipe them on her pants. She just held them awkwardly at her sides, not quite sure what to do.

She wanted to cry, but there was a smile on her face. She didn't think it was a convincing one; everybody could probably see through it as soon as they saw her eyes.

Breathe, breathe, she urged herself. Now would not be a good time to pass out.

Nadeshiko couldn't look at Rima as she walked down the aisle; if she did, she probably would throw up. Instead her eyes scanned the audience. Everyone was looking at Rima with awed eyes and smiles on their faces.

Don't be happy for her, it's all a lie!

Nadeshiko's eyes stopped as she noticed that one person in the audience was not looking at Rima. Tadase was staring at her instead, his eyebrows furrowed and his face obviously concerned.

Nadeshiko didn't want to marry Rima.

Her eyes were hot, hot and wet, and she could feel tears sliding down her cheeks.

Nadeshiko turned towards Rima once again and she smiled, a huge and completely fake smile.

Rima didn't want to marry Nadeshiko.

Nadeshiko felt a hand on her back and turned to see Kukai grinning at her. His hand, warm and big, a man's hand, not a hand like her's or Rima's, patted her gently.

Nadeshiko wanted to run away, she wanted to leave the church and never come back, run until she hit the street then run some more. She just wanted out.

Rima stepped up to join her and smiled up at her, her face a little pink with happiness. "I love you."

Nadeshiko just kept smiling that fake smile she had been smiling for the past few weeks. "I love you too."

~oOo~

A/N: A few people have asked me for Nagihiko's cause of death... and tbh I never came up with one. XD I didn't think it was a large part of the story, so I didn't bother with it. I'm sorry...

Please review; I really appreciate how much feedback I'm getting for this story. :)


	5. Chapter 5

The wedding reception was loud and dark, a whirlwind passing by right in front of Nadeshiko's eyes.

She and Rima had already danced together, in the middle of the floor, all eyes on them, and it had made Nadeshiko's head spin.

What would everyone here think tomorrow, when the truth was out? They'd hate her.

As Rima talked with Yaya and Amu, Nadeshiko sat at the bar with Tadase.

"I have like three hours," Nadeshiko moaned, averting her gaze from her wife (her_ wife!)_ by dropping her head into her hands. "Three hours before she figures it out!"

Tadase smiled weakly, patting her on the back as he watched Amu jump up and down across the floor. "There's nothing you can do now; just try to break it to her as easily as possible."

"What am I supposed to say, Tadase? 'Oh sorry, but you're not actually married to Nagihiko. Instead, you're now the wife of his twin sister. Oh, where's Nagihiko then? Sorry, he's dead.'" Nadeshiko said harshly, giving Tadase a foul sort of look. She sighed, letting her face soften as she leaned against the counter. "I don't even know how she's going to react. She probably won't even get mad; she'll probably just cry."

"Well, then you'll have to face that. But she can't stay upset forever, right?"

Nadeshiko laughed darkly. "I doubt that."

There was a moment of silence between the two of them, where the only sounds were that of the pounding music and the chatter of the people around them, before Tadase spoke again.

"What are you going to do after?"

"What do you mean, after?" Nadeshiko asked, confused as to what "after" was supposed to indicate.

Tadase sighed before turning to face her. "I mean after she figures out the truth."

This hadn't occurred to Nadeshiko before; she had always thought about what might happen _when_ she was exposed, but not after she was. "I... I don't know. I suppose I'll just follow along with what Rima wants."

"What if she wants to stay married to you? Will you do it?"

Nadeshiko hesitated. "Well, uh, it's probably what Nagihiko would have wanted so yeah, I think I would."

Tadase shook his head, a disappointed look in his eyes. "No, Nadeshiko. Do you understand your situation? You're barely twenty-one, and you're going to jump into a lifelong commitment based solely on what Nagihiko would have wanted. Are you supposed to spend your whole life married to someone you don't love just to please him?"

Nadeshiko, once again, hadn't been thinking that far ahead. Sure, it was easy to say she was fine staying married to Rima, but would she be content with that one, two, ten years down the road? "But it's not as if I dislike Rima."

"Do you like her, or do you love her? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her and only her?"

Nadeshiko didn't know, she really didn't. Sure, she was awfully fond of Rima, but was it love? Was it the same way she had felt for Tadase all those years ago, or more like how she felt for Amu?

Nadeshiko just didn't know.

~oOo~

Amu had dragged Nadeshiko onto the dance floor and they were slow dancing to some slow song she couldn't name. Back a few years ago Rima would have been unbelievably jealous of this (jealous that someone else was dancing with Amu, that is) but she looked pretty okay with it right now.

Rima really had matured, hadn't she? But what was she going to say after tonight?

Nadeshiko's grip on Amu's waist tightened, and the pink-haired girl frowned as she looked up at her. "What's wrong, Nadeshiko?"

Nadeshiko almost froze on the spot. "Did you just call me Nadeshiko?"

Amu's mouth fell open and turned ten shades of red. "I'm so sorry! I don't know why I said that! I'm so sorry!"

Oh, so it was just a mistake. Nadeshiko let out a small chuckle and smiled at her best friend. "It's fine."

Amu continued staring at Nadeshiko with a blush on her face before speaking, slowly as though she were struggling to get her words together. "But now that I've said it... you do kind of look like Nadeshiko."

Nadeshiko laughed, but it wasn't as jokingly as she would have liked. "Of course Amu; we're twins."

Amu shook her head, her blush increasing. "No, not like that. I mean, yeah, everyone knows you looked alike but this is different."

Amu stopped moving and Nadeshiko was forced to stop as well, holding her in her arms somewhat reluctantly. Amu's eyebrows furrowed slightly as she spoke. "I mean, you really look like Nadeshiko did. Her face was a little slimmer, you know, as was her body. And her eyes..."

Amu stared up at Nadeshiko, her eyes wide as though it suddenly all dawned on her, and in that moment Nadeshiko knew that Amu now knew the truth as well.

Nadeshiko felt sick to her stomach. How had _Amu_, the most oblivious person she knew, figured it out before Rima? Rima was always quick to catch on, so why was she still clueless now?

What Tadase had said echoed throughout her ears.

"_Part of her might already know you're really Nadeshiko... she just doesn't want it to be true, so she's probably just telling herself she's imagining it."_

Nadeshiko broke away from Amu, muttering, "I need a moment," before hurrying off the dance floor. Pushing aside the concerned guests that questioned her as she ran off, Nadeshiko quickly entered the men's bathroom (of course, always the men's) and barricaded herself in one of the stalls. She sunk to the floor, not carrying if her beautiful white tux got stained as she gripped the porcelain bowl.

"No no no! Why? Why do I have to do this? Why did I have to lie to everyone?"

And for the first time in a while Nadeshiko cried. Tears were flowing from her eyes, her chest was heaving as she struggled to take in the thick, smelly air of the bathroom.

Nadeshiko leaned forward, gagging before she lost restraint and the contents of her stomach came up through her mouth.

She coughed, tears falling to join the mess in the bowl.

For the first time since his death, Nadeshiko wished she were dead instead of Nagihiko.

~oOo~

A/N: Sorry this is a day late... I had to take on extra shifts at work. =_= And the next chapter probably won't be up until Monday, as I'm going camping over the weekend and won't have access to the internet.

Anyway, if you have a moment please review. :)


	6. Chapter 6

Nadeshiko was staring at the bathroom door of the hotel room she and Rima were staying in. Any second now Rima would come out, and then they would have to have sex.

Or rather, when Rima tried to have sex with her she would figure out that she actually was a "her."

Nadeshiko had wondered what would be the best way to go about it. To just let things happen and when she found out, well that was it? Or should she talk the whole thing out with her, explain to her everything that Nagihiko had said? Maybe she should just rip off her shirt and let that speak for itself.

Nadeshiko still was undecided, which was very bad considering that Rima would be coming out any second.

Oh god, why hadn't she told her this morning? It would have been so much better to get it over with before they were actually stuck in a commitment with each other.

Nadeshiko wanted to run away. She wanted to throw open the door to the hotel room and take off down the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door. She just wanted to run, to run with no destination in mind.

But she couldn't; even if she were to leave, she would have to leave Rima with some kind of reason as to why.

So this was where it was all going to end.

The bathroom door opened and Rima stepped out. Nadeshiko almost wanted to laugh; being the no-nonsense person she was, Rima hadn't even bother with lingerie, and had just put on an average pair of pajamas. If she didn't know any better, she would even say Rima wasn't planning on having sex tonight.

But she knew better. She knew that Rima wanted to have sex with Nagihiko, and that she was expecting to do it tonight.

Unfortunately, though, if Rima removed her spouse's pants she would find that something was missing.

Nadeshiko couldn't think. She desperately wanted to have Nagihiko's mind, the mind that could get him out of a sticky situation in seconds with no questions asked, but she didn't. She was slow to come up with escapes, she worded things wrong and was bad at expressing herself.

Her mind swam, and as Rima opened her mouth to speak (who knew what she was even going to say) Nadeshiko blurted out, without thinking, "I'm not Nagihiko."

Rima froze, her eyebrows furrowing together as she stared up at her "husband" disbelievingly. "What do you mean?"

And Nadeshiko could see that Rima's former doubts were coming to light, that they were swirling around her head and Nadeshiko didn't even need to say anything to get Rima to the proper conclusion. If she waited a moment or two, Rima would figure it out on her own.

But she had to say something. She had to affirm the girl's suspicions.

"I'm really Nadeshiko."

Rima backed up, moving further away from Nadeshiko as she shook her head. She spoke slowly, thinking over everything as she spoke. "But you can't be. Nadeshiko is dead."

"Rima..." Nadeshiko took a step forward before hesitating, not quite sure on what she should do or say to Rima. "Nadeshiko isn't the one that died."

Rima shook her head further as she backed up once more. "No no, you can't be Nadeshiko. Nadeshiko is dead, and Nagihiko is alive."

Nadeshiko took a few steps towards Rima, reaching out to her. "Before he died, Nagihiko-"

Rima cut Nadeshiko off, pushing Nadeshiko away as she backed up against the wall. "No! Nagihiko can't be dead! He can't! Nadeshiko is the one that died! You're lying!"

But already, she knew the truth. And Tadase had been right; she had probably known all along.

A small sob left her throat as tears poured from her eyes. Her tone dropped, much weaker than the denials she had been screaming. "Nagihiko can't be dead."

"Rima, I know it's hard, and I'm very sorry, but-" Nadeshiko tried to touch Rima's shoulder, but the blonde just pushed her away.

"Don't touch me!' She screamed, her face lined with anger. She stepped to the side as Nadeshiko just stood there, unsure of what she was supposed to do. "Don't say anything either! Just, just stop! Go away!"

Nadeshiko just stared at the crying girl in front of her, her heart low in her chest. She didn't want to leave Rima now, not like this. She couldn't leave her.

"Rima..."

Rima just stared at her for a long moment, trying hard to put on an air of anger, baring her teeth and glaring at Nadeshiko, but all she could see was the pain in her eyes and the tears falling down her cheeks.

Before she could say anything else, Rima had turned and ran. She grabbed her purse off of the table as she ran towards the door, throwing it open as she ran out into the hall without shoes or a jacket.

Nadeshiko, shocked by the sudden exit, hastened to catch up, racing across the room and meeting the door just as Rima slammed it shut. Her hands fumbled with the doorknob before quickly opening it as well, looking both ways desperately before spotting Rima heading towards the elevator.

Luck was not on her side. The elevator's doors were open, and just as Rima managed to get inside they began to close. Nadeshiko frantically raced forwards, cursing how slow she was in comparison to her brother. _Nagihiko would be able to catch Rima right now._

"Rima! Stop! I need to explain this to you!"

But the elevator's doors shut, and the last thing Nadeshiko saw was the most painful expression she could ever imagine on the blonde's face. Rima didn't say a word as the doors slammed shut, but yet Nadeshiko could hear her voice inside her head, saying, "Why would you do this to me?"

Nadeshiko collapsed at the elevator doors, rapidly pushing the down button to no avail.

She turned, searching with her eyes desperately before finding the door marked, "stairs" and racing towards it.

And it was only when her vision was too blurred for her to focus on the stairs in front of her she finally realized she was crying as well.

~oOo~

Rima leaned against the back wall of the elevator, dropping her hand from where she had desperately been pushing the "close doors" button. She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath as she tried to calm down her pounding heart.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

Rima glanced up, startled, to see an old couple standing beside her. The woman was staring at her, worry lining her face as she pressed a hand into her cheek.

"I..." Rima couldn't answer.

The answer was a definite "no." No, she was not okay, because she was not married to the guy she had loved since she was a child, she was married to his twin sister. Even worse than that, the man she loved was dead.

Nagihiko was dead.

Rima let out a sob. Nagihiko was dead. He died without saying goodbye to her, without even telling her.

She was never going to get to see Nagihiko again, and she didn't even get the chance to tell him goodbye.

Tears were running down her cheeks, a never-ending stream. And the only thing she could think, the only words that filled her brain were, "Nagihiko is dead."

The old woman made a small sound, a sad sound that made Rima feel as though maybe she understood how much pain she was in, and moved forward, wrapping her arms around the sobbing girl.

"Oh, it's alright, Dear," the old woman said, patting Rima's hair softly. She hummed softly, trying to comfort the girl in whatever way possible.

Rima was reminded of when she was a child, of when her mother would hold her and sing softly under her breath. She had always hoped to be a mother like that, one that could make all the troubles of her child go away, but now she supposed she would never get the chance.

She would never have Nagihiko's children.

Rima just cried harder. She was all alone now.

The elevator stopped on one of the floors, and the old man walked over to the door. Before exiting he stopped and asked, "Why don't you come back to our room with us? You look like you could use some company right now."

Rima couldn't answer.

All she could do was cry.

~oOo~

A/N: Ugh. I don't like this chapter (just from a writing perspective). It seems awkward to me. :/ I want to rewrite it, but at the same time know I don't have that kind of motivation.

The updates may be getting a bit irregular from here out, because I had everything up until this prewritten but now I have to write each chapter as I go. It would help to motivate me to write fast if I get a lot of reviews (hint hint). XD I'm just kidding. But if you have a moment, please review. :3


	7. Chapter 7

Nadeshiko pushed open the door at the end of the long staircase, wincing slightly as it hit the wall with a thud. Normally she would apologize for being so loud and disrespectful of someone else's property, but she didn't have time. For as she spun, her eyes hurriedly scanning every inch of the room, Rima was nowhere to be found.

She cursed under her breath, foul words falling from her lips. Where did she go? People were piling into the elevator as she stood there, so Rima must have already gotten off of it. But there was no glimpse of blonde hair anywhere throughout the lobby.

Nadeshiko's heart dropped as she turned to face the front door. Rima had fled the building.

There was no time to think through what she was doing. She had to act quickly or else any chance she had of catching up to Rima was lost.

Nadeshiko ran to the front door and pushed it open. Outside, the dark night air was accompanied by a faint drizzling of rain. The combination for the two narrowed Nadeshiko's line of vision greatly, and even as she squinted into the distance she was unable to see Rima.

"Rima!" Nadeshiko yelled, knowing that it was useless, as the blonde wouldn't respond. At least, not to her. Not now.

Which way should she go? Would it be worth it to run forward blindly? Rima could have gone in any direction, she could have even jumped in a cab if her timing was good enough.

It was no use.

Nadeshiko dropped to her knees, clutching her head in her hands. There was no way she could catch up to Rima now.

She had lost her. She had let Nagihiko down.

No, that wasn't what mattered. More than letting Nagihiko down, she had let Rima down. Rima, who she was supposed to be protecting, was now blindly running throughout the night.

The tears just kept coming. What should she do? Rima couldn't just wander around the city alone, but how could she find her?

Nagihiko would know what to do, but Nagihiko wasn't here. She couldn't even call him and ask him for help. Nagihiko was gone, and Rima was gone, and now Nadeshiko was all alone.

What else could she do but cry?

~oOo~

Nadeshiko and Rima's stay at the hotel was set to last two more days, so Nadeshiko spent all her time in their room until they were to leave.

She just sat there, waiting and hoping that Rima would come back to try to get her stuff. She didn't leave the room once, with the fear that Rima would return while she was out.

She never showed up.

Nadeshiko had tried her cell phone several times, knowing Rima had it with her as she had grabbed her purse before running out of the room, but it went straight to voicemail. And she had left at least a dozen messages, ranging from tearful pleas for her to return and frantic apologies, to angry demands she call back.

Part of Nadeshiko was terrified that something bad had happened to Rima, but she had glued her eyes to the television the entire time she sat in her room, and flipped from station to station watching every news show she could find. She had even called the police, but they had assured her Rima would be fine, as crime was down in the area.

When their reservation ended, Nadeshiko packed up all of her and Rima's stuff and carried it down to the front desk to check out.

Again, as she had several times before, Nadeshiko asked the person working at the front desk if they had seen Rima anytime recently. The woman smiled weakly, shaking her head and telling her, "I'm sorry."

Nadeshiko knew staying there would do no good, so she went back home. Without Rima.

Who knew where Rima was? She had her credit card; she could have left the city, or even the country, days ago. Was she even in Asia anymore? She could have left for Europe, or America.

All Nadeshiko knew was that she was not sitting next to her on the trip home.

There was no way to find Rima now.

Nadeshiko had failed her brother's last request. She had lost the love of his life, she was unable to protect her.

For the first time since Rima's departure, Nadeshiko slept for longer than a short nap.

She cried herself to sleep, and woke up with red, puffy eyes and tears on her cheeks.

~oOo~

When she returned to Tokyo, Nadeshiko called Tadase. And she was surprised when the boy arrived at her house that night, suitcase in hand.

Tadase decided he was going to stay with Nadeshiko until Rima returned, or was found (hopefully not in a body bag, Nadeshiko prayed). Nadeshiko didn't know if it were because Tadase thought she needed the support and company, or if it was because he didn't trust her not to do something rash.

The next few days were long. Nadeshiko would wake up in the early hours of the morning and go sit at the table, trying to drink a coffee but finding her hands unable to pick the cup up. She would stare at Tadase's face as he peacefully slept on her couch, watching his chest rise up and down and his head snuggle into the pillow.

She didn't know why she watched him so much. By no means was it because of a "deep attraction" or something like that; their old romance was not being rekindled by the current state of things at all. Rather, it was more like she was comforted by someone else's presence. She _wasn't _truly alone right now; she had Tadase. And if she would build the courage to pick up the phone and call her, she would have Amu as well.

Nadeshiko sighed. Maybe it was nothing like that. Maybe she just needed somewhere for her eyes to rest, and Tadase was the only thing she could see in the dark.

Maybe it was because looking at all the other stuff in the room reminded her of Rima. The photographs on the shelves, the comedy dvds stacked against the tv (Nadeshiko had told Rima a dozen times to put them away properly), the abnormally small jackets strewn across the furniture...

Nadeshiko would do anything to talk to Rima right now, and not just because it was what Nagihiko would have wanted.

No, Nadeshiko, as herself, wanted to see her.

Nadeshiko remembered Tadase asking her what she would do if Rima wanted to stay married to her. Well, Nadeshiko wasn't sure, but all she knew now was that she would never get the chance to decide.

Rima wasn't coming back.

~oOo~

A/N: I'm sorry this is so late... I spent a lot of my free time watching Attack on Titan (Which is the best anime ever and you need to watch it now if you haven't already) and this would've been up yesterday, but then I had to drive around the city to like five different stores to get Animal Crossing New Leaf. =_= That game is near impossible to find.

Anyway, the good news is there is only going to be one or two more chapters left, so we're almost done! :D

Please review if you have a moment!


	8. Chapter 8

Nadeshiko couldn't sleep.

Nadeshiko couldn't eat.

Nadeshiko couldn't breathe.

~oOo~

Rima didn't know what she should do. She was lost, in more ways than one.

And she felt betrayed. Not just by Nadeshiko, but also by Nagihiko.

Why had he done such a thing to her? Why had he lied to her? He knew she despised liars above everyone else. In his final moments, he had hurt her more than anyone else had in her whole life.

And he claimed to have loved her.

She should be glad he was dead! He betrayed her in his final moments! He didn't deserve to live by her side!

Even as Rima told herself this over and over the tears wouldn't stop coming. No matter how hard she tried to make herself hate Nagihiko she couldn't. Nagihiko meant more to her than anything else ever had. Given the opportunity, she would die in his place without a second thought.

No matter how much she wanted to hate him, how much she wanted to only remember the bad things he had done, she couldn't. All she could think of were the times he had held her hand and kissed her, all the times he had held her close when no one else would.

Nagihiko had always been there for her, when her parents got divorced and when Amu moved away with Ikuto. Nagihiko had always been there, and now she had lost him as well.

Wouldn't it be better to just hate him instead of hanging onto all these feelings of love and pain?

Rima wanted to hate him, she really did. She wanted the feeling of hopelessness to fade away. She wanted the deep, uncontrollable pain in her chest to subside. She wanted the heat behind her eyes to fade and the sobs in her throat to fall silence.

All she could think of was Nagihiko, Nagihiko's smile and his happy brown eyes, the way his arms wrapped around her completely, protecting her from all the pain in the world, his laugh, the light, bubbly sound that coursed through her ears.

She remembered how he would stare absentmindedly off into the distance, as though preoccupied by something that wasn't there. The way he would smile as he played with his wedding band... but there was always something off about his expression. Even though he smiled, there was something more reflected in his eyes. They held something different than happiness. It was more of look of longing. A look of pain... He was sad.

He was sad whenever he looked at the wedding band.

He was sad because he knew they would never be able to get married.

Rima couldn't think. The whole time before "Nadeshiko's" death, it had been so obvious. He was always so lost in thought, so quiet and sullen. The whole time he was leaving clues for Rima, clues that he was dying, but she had been too blind to see.

What kind of a girlfriend was she, to not even be able to tell that her fiancee was on the brink of death?

Rima couldn't breathe, she was crying so hard. The tears were pouring from her eyes and her chest was heaving so rapidly that she thought her death would come right now, that she would die sobbing.

But no, that was too easy.

She couldn't die. She had to live on, without Nagihiko.

She would never see Nagihiko again.

"I want to see Nagihiko."

Just one last time, just to tell him goodbye. To say she loved him and was sorry for all those times she had called him a "perverted cross-dresser" as a kid. To say thank you for all he had given her; friendship, love, hope. To reminisce about when they were kids. To tease him for caring so much about her like she always had. To kiss him. To tell him she wasn't mad at him for leaving her.

To hear him say he loved her.

She wanted to hold him in her arms, to hear his heartbeat one last time and feel the warmth of his skin.

But Nagihiko was gone. And, no matter what she would give up to get him back, it was no use.

She was alone.

No... no she wasn't. She wasn't alone. She still had someone.

Nadeshiko. Nadeshiko was still here.

Nagihiko had made sure she wouldn't be alone.

Rima had to see Nadeshiko.

~oOo~

Nadeshiko lost track of how many days it had been since she had last seen Rima.

She didn't want to think about it. With each day that passed, she began to feel more like she would never see Rima again.

If it was three days, there was still hope she would return. But if it were a week, two weeks, a month... well, Rima wouldn't come back.

Nadeshiko couldn't think too much about it.

Tadase was still there, leaving during the days to go take his university classes, and trying to comfort her at nights.

She didn't mind him almost blowing up her kitchen, or laughing about how bad it had been the first time they had sex. Really, it was nice to have a distraction.

But sometimes she thought too long about it. When it hurt too much to think about Rima she thought about her past with Tadase, how much he had loved her, how compassionate he had always been, how gently he touched her, even though she was strong enough to take a punch. And that hurt too.

Why do people fall out of love? Wouldn't it have been better to have stayed in love with Tadase, to never have broken up with him and have moved in with him after high school? Nagihiko could never have asked her to leave someone to be with Rima, and right now she would be at home, and Rima would be at her apartment, maybe a little unhappy but not completely torn apart.

Why couldn't Nadeshiko have kept feeling that way for Tadase? He had loved her so very much, but she just stopped.

Why couldn't that have happened with Rima and Nagihiko? Why couldn't Rima have just stopped loving him, kicked him out of her apartment and gone off with some other guy? Why was their love, out of millions of failed couples in the world, so strong?

Nagihiko had given up his last chance to talk to Rima, to tell her everything he felt and hear her do the same, just because he thought it would help her. Even if he was wrong, he had given up his last chance of happiness for Rima's sake. Even when he was dying, all he could think about was her.

Why did he have to die? Of all the people in the world, he was one of the ones that deserved to live the most.

He understood what true love was, his whole life he did. He was one of the few who actually loved like humans were intended to, and now he was gone.

Nadeshiko didn't like thinking. It always ended up like this.

She liked when Tadase was with her, complaining about one of his professors or telling her about something stupid Ikuto had said.

Nadeshiko wished she was in love with Tadase.

It would hurt less if she was.

She wouldn't spend fifteen hours a day staring at the front door, hoping that Rima will come back. She wouldn't spend every second she was conscious worrying about all the things that could be happening to Rima. She wouldn't be dreaming of Rima every night, waking to find the spot beside her in the bed empty and then crying until dawn because she wasn't there.

Nadeshiko wished she was in love with Tadase, but she wasn't.

She couldn't be, because she was already in love with someone else.

And perhaps she had been for along time, but was just too scarred to admit it.

Nadeshiko was in love with Rima.

~oOo~

A/N: I wrote this chapter while listening to "the place where Wishes come true" from Clannad, which never fails to make me get all emotional. XD And this would've been up a lot sooner, but I've been watching Doctor Who whenever I'm not at work for the past week. Sorry. (working six days a week sucks).

Please review! I have now figured out an ending, and there are two chapters left! And thanks so much to everyone that reviewed last chapter! I've been really depressed and it made me feel so much better. :)


	9. Chapter 9

Nadeshiko was sleeping, laying her head on the kitchen table, when the sound of a lock clicking aroused her. She sat up in a daze, the blanket Tadase had draped over her when he left for the day falling off of her shoulders and onto the floor.

"Tadase?" she murmured, glancing at the clock to see that it was much too early for him to be returning home. What was he doing here now?

There was no response, and part of Nadeshiko was starting to get a bit worried. Snapping herself out of her sleep-induced daze she climbed to her feet, moving around the table and across the room, towards the door.

"Tadase, what are you-?" As Nadeshiko rounded the corner she cut herself off.

Standing before her was not Tadase, but someone she wanted to see much more.

It was Rima.

Nadeshiko froze, just for a second, a second that felt like an eternity. Her mind was spinning, not able to grasp that this was Rima standing in front of her.

Rima was alright; she hadn't been hurt (well, at least not physically). Rima was here, in front of her. Rima had returned to her.

Nadeshiko opened her mouth, not quite sure of what she wanted to say. Her heart was pounding so loudly she figured she wouldn't be able to hear anything she said anyway.

"I'm back," Rima said, staring at Nadeshiko with a straight face, a face that Nadeshiko knew did not represent how the blonde was feeling.

Nadeshiko didn't know it was possible for tears to come so quickly, but they were already spilling from her eyes. And she couldn't stop them no matter how hard she tried; the tears just kept coming, an endless stream of the pain she had been feeling for the past few months.

And then, before she could think it through, she ran forward, throwing herself against Rima and wrapping her arms around the blonde's small body."I thought you were dead!"

She could feel the girl shaking, could tell that she was as upset and scared and worried as she was.

Rima was so small and fragile, so delicate that Nadehsiko just felt like she could break right now, in her arms. When she was gone, who-knows-where doing who-knows-what, she could have easily been broken. Sad and alone, confused about everything that had happened, confused about where her life was, anything could have happened. She could have been kidnapped, beaten and raped, extorted or killed. There was no way for Nadeshiko to have known what could have happened to her.

And suddenly, she understood completely how Nagihiko felt. And the words she said were probably true; even though she never let the thought consciously cross her mind, she really had thought that Rima was dead.

Rima brought her arms up slowly to wrap around Nadeshiko's waist, her grip tight as her face was pressed into Nadeshiko's chest.

Yes, this was definitely Nadeshiko's body; Nadeshiko was no longer dressing like a man, and she could feel the other's breasts.

Some part of Rima, no matter how foolish, wished that when she got back home Nadeshiko would exclaim "just kidding!" and reveal that she was Nagihiko after all. And, no matter how silly this notion was, no matter how much Rima wanted it to be the truth, she now knew that Nadeshiko could not be Nagihiko.

Nagihiko was dead, after all.

Rima tried not to, she really did, but she found herself crying as well. Crying even though she had thought herself all cried out a minute or two ago.

She could barely speak at all, her throat closing up as thick tears fell down her face. But even though her voice croaked out as a whisper, Nadeshiko could clearly hear her say, "I thought you were dead too."

~oOo~

Nadeshiko didn't quite know what she was supposed to do. How exactly was she supposed to clear things up between her and Rima?

I mean really, what do you say after you've impersonated your dead twin brother, and married and fell in love with the love of his life, all without her knowledge? Really, why in the hell does such a situation even exist? This is just ridiculous.

Well, Nadeshiko really didn't know what she should say, so the two just sat in silence for a while. Occasionally Nadeshiko would glance over at Rima to see her sitting across the kitchen table, staring at a full cup of tea with a far-away look in her eyes.

Once or twice she had started to say something (having no idea exactly _what_ she was going to stay) but every time she cleared her throat or started to talk Rima's eyes would snap up to stare at her, and Nadeshiko was useless to do anything besides drop her gaze to the table and blush.

It honestly felt like the two of them would be stuck at this impasse for, well, possibly forever, but just as Nadeshiko was beginning to feel as though neither one of them would speak again for the rest of their lives, the sound of a door opening was heard.

"Who's that?"

Rima finally spoke, and the sound of her voice, still so weak and shaky, caused Nadeshiko such shock she almost forgot to answer the question.

After a second she regained her composure and replied, "Oh, that's probably Tadase."

"Tadase? What's Tadase doing here?" Rima asked, her eyebrows narrowing in an almost accusatory way.

"Well, I was rather, um... _upset _after you ran away," Nadeshiko murmured, unable to meet Rima's eye as her face reddened. Upset was definitely an understatement. "And he thought I could use the company."

"So he shacked up with you?" Nadeshiko hazarded a glance at the blonde to see that she actually looked quite angry at the current moment. Oh god, Nadeshiko wished Tadase would hurry up and get his butt into the kitchen.

"No, no, not quite like that! He's been sleeping on the couch the whole time! We didn't do anything... he was just here to-"

"Make sure Nadeshiko didn't kill herself?"

Nadeshiko gasped, turning around to see Tadase standing in the doorway, wearing a small smile on his face. "I'm glad you're back, Rima."

Rima didn't respond immediately, and instead just stared at him as he entered the kitchen and sat down in one of the empty chairs. "What do you mean?"

Tadase frowned, refusing to meet Nadeshiko's eye as she stared at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You don't know what she was like. It was... it was unbelievable, and not in a good way at all. It was like... it was like someone drained every last once of happiness from her soul."

"You thought.. you thought I was going to _kill myself_?" Nadeshiko stuttered, unable to grasp such a concept.

"You don't... you don't understand..." Tadase muttered, turning to face Nadeshiko with an almost abashed expression. "You were barely talking, you hardly ate at all and only slept when your body reached the point of exhaustion. You cried for days and when that stopped all you did was stare off into the distance for days on end."

"It wasn't that bad," Nadeshiko muttered, dropping her eyes to the floor. She couldn't look at Rima now, not when Tadase was saying such things.

"Nadeshiko... it's been twenty days since the wedding."

No, that wasn't right. It had only been a few days, a week at most. Nadeshiko shook her head, refusing to believe such nonsense. "No way."

"It's true... it's the twenty-fifth of April today," Rima muttered quietly, almost as though she didn't want to admit it to herself.

"But... it hasn't been that long." But they wouldn't lie to her about that.

"Now you see why I was worried about you? Everyday I left for class I was terrified I'd come back to find your dead body."

"But I wouldn't ever-"

"Did it honestly never cross your mind?"

Nadeshiko didn't want to answer that, because she didn't want to admit that it had.

Of course, while she was sitting alone in the dark, hating herself for betraying Rima, betraying Nagihiko, loving Rima, loosing her brother, and leaving Rima all broken, it had crossed her mind. She thought she would much rather just die than live like this. Of course it crossed her mind that she could just make a few cuts and she wouldn't have to hurt anymore. She could go and be with Nagihiko once again.

But she wasn't that far gone yet, and she wasn't stupid enough to even consider doing such a thing, because then Rima would probably end up hurt, as well as Tadase and her mother, Amu and all her other friends.

Even if she wanted it all to end, she couldn't say goodbye to Rima like that, with such a fowl scene.

"I..." Nadeshiko couldn't speak, but the other two could easily sense what she refused to say.

Rima opened her mouth, but stopped. What could she say to this?

It was her fault, wasn't it? She had caused Nadeshiko to feel this way, hadn't she? Nadeshiko wasn't some cruel monster trying to manipulate her feelings, she was just as upset with how things had ended up.

And she had left her without another word, leaving her no indication if she was alive of dead. How scared Nadeshiko must have been.

"I'm so sorry."

Nadeshiko looked up to see tears falling down Rima's cheeks.

"What... what are you sorry for?" Nadeshiko asked, a bit confused.

"For leaving you, for making you so sad... You must have been so worried about me, given my past and all," Rima spoke quickly, trying to get it all out quickly as her eyes blurred and her chest shook, "I was so worried about myself I forgot all about how you must be feeling. You were the closest person to me besides Na-nagihiko. And I hurt you so much."

Rima let out a sob, wiping her eyes on her sleeve as she sniffed. These tears were loud and messy, unlike any of those "crocodile tears" she had used in the past, and that only made Nadeshiko's heart hurt more. "I can't even begin to understand how you've been feeling this whole time."

"Pretty... pretty much shit," Nadeshiko replied, trying to laugh but finding that the sound got stuck in her throat.

And Nadeshiko wasn't quite sure how it happened but the next thing she knew Rima was hugging her.

The two held each other for along time, crying their eyes out. Rima was probably getting snot all over Nadeshiko's shirt but she didn't care at all because Rima was back home in her arms. And, even more than that, she didn't hate her.

The two stayed like this for a long time, before there were no more tears left for them to cry.

After pulling away Rima stood above her, rather awkwardly for a few minutes, as neither one was quite sure of what to do.

After a long moment Tadase smiled and said, "Well, why don't we start figuring this situation out?"

~oOo~

**A/N**: Okay, I know I said only two more chapters, but this one was getting really long and I wanted to get it up ASAP so there will be one more PLUS an epilogue!

And sorry about the super late update, but I've been extremely busy lately, and then I gained a new found obsession with Dangan Ronpa (which is so awesome, and I'm considering doing a Shugo Chara story based off the game after I finish this).

Oh, and anyway, I've posted a soundtrack for this story on my profile if anyone's interested.

Please review! I appreciate it so much, and they really are what keeps me writing when I lose all motivation. :) Thank you.


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